In response to someone on facebook who called bullshit on my single and happy life, I present to you-magic.
I bet you can guess what this individual said based on my points.
Because seriously. Don’t judge other people’s lives. If they say they’re happy, be happy for them. Just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean you can bring your dark cloud around to piss on everyone else’s sunny day. Don’t be a bully.
I’d like to punch a few holes in your “devil’s advocate” argument.
1. We are all flawed, single or committed. Owning our flaws and choosing to better ourselves is truly mature and remarkable. Nobody’s perfect.
2. To delude one’s self would be to exist in a state of denial. Those in the delusional state would be unable to see their “flaw” as pointed out by those in their life who show concern for their happiness. Yes, we are social animals. Even the deluded have people in their lives who care about them.
3. Two important interpersonal skills are manners and self-management. Understanding how to communicate with people in different situations, especially those you do not know, is a mark of a person adept in those skills. You claim to not be adept. I understand completely.
4. Selfishness is key to understanding one’s self and what it actually means to be happy. To give of yourself to others is admirable, but it is equally admirable to be able to say “no”. I’m not sure, but I believe that only doing for others is a quick way to prove one’s unhappiness, as they believe (or delude themselves into believing?) that the only way to BE happy is to make others happy. Nah. Too much work. Can’t please everyone!
5. John Nash, a diagnosed schizophrenic, was married. Darryl Hannah, who struggles with Asperger’s Syndrome (on the Autism spectrum), was in long-term relationships with JFK, Jr. and Jackson Browne. Even people with personality disorders can be in committed relationships. Can’t lump single people into the “crazy” box and leave them there to kill each other off, Hunger Games style. They can still contribute.
6. Being single simply means, according to Merriam Webster, “not married” or “not having a serious romantic relationship with someone”. It does not mean that the single person is not a social being. You’re right in one thing: human beings are social animals. Single human beings do not hide in caves to avoid others, because how on EARTH would we ever become NOT SINGLE?
Strife is inherent for singles, too. Single people have struggles with life and relationships. We’re not carefree, prancing through the daisies, grinning like we know something you don’t. It’s just a different kind of struggle. That’s life. Happy people, single or committed, have the choice to wallow or change. They just choose to change.
I myself have many “healthy hobbies” in which I can partake either alone or with my fabulous group of non-judgmental friends who are happy when I am happy. I am a very productive member of society. I even pay taxes. Hence the joking comment that led to this innocent image post.
I thank you deeply for the opportunity to share why I am single and happy to be so. I don’t get much flak for it on a regular basis. My parents aren’t even bothered by it.
After being a part of several very committed, very unhappy relationships, I have decided that I, as a person in control of her own future and happiness, can take charge of my own life and be happy without “a special someone”. I don’t NEED someone to make me happy. Would I like to be in a committed and happy relationship? Absolutely. I haven’t given up hope that it can happen, and a great match is out there. But I’m not going to force something because other people say I should do it. Holy peer pressure, Batman! Rather, I’ll wait for the person that gives me a new kind of happy to add to what I can provide for myself. If a person relies solely on others for their own happiness, that individual will never know true happiness. I’d rather wait for that amazing experience than settle because “something’s wrong with me” or “I’m not really happy–it’s a face I present to the world to hide my schizophrenic, delusional tendencies”.
Yeah, you got under my skin. It’s a good thing. It’s good to question why we believe what we believe, just to make sure it’s real. Because society says that the only way to be happy is to be with someone, I used to question my singleness fairly regularly. Not as frequently anymore, though, because I have removed the poisonous and toxic people from my life that questioned me, and I’m happier now. I have better people in my life who love me for who I am, and allow me to be that person. I am proud of that.
I don’t DEPEND on anyone for my happiness. I’m responsible for my own. Am I a part of the 10% of the population in your nameless study that can actually find true love? Damn straight. Because I love myself. I am strong, independent, amazing, and one hell of a catch for the one who can add to my happiness. And if that person never comes? Well, I’m plenty social. I’m sure I’ll have good friends my entire life that will come visit me in my single woman cave, trimming my toenails and emptying my urine-filled mason jars for me while I continue to delude myself.
Have a nice evening.