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2003

And then there were, basically, NO MORE PEOPLE to cast in this movie. They cast all the people.
Except the creepy Abercrombie & Fitch CEO as a mutant orc general.
And John Noble as Denethor.

They’re new.

Synopsis: Third time’s the charm, apparently…everything is coming to a head. The site of the world-altering battle between good and evil will take place in Gondor. Lucky Sauron wanted to switch it up; if he’d attacked Helm’s Deep again, he might have won…just sayin’.

ANYWAY:

Everyone’s getting in on this one—Rohan, Gondor, Hobbits, an elf, a dwarf…and a host of bad guys. They have some awful weapons (Grond is such a cool concept!), and they just don’t really seem to go away. Every time a wave of baddies is taken out, a new one replaces it. Good on the protagonists for taking it in stride and just charging ahead…a bit recklessly, but still. Will Gondor survive the attack? Will Frodo destroy the One Ring? Can you do anything BUT cry during the last 90 minutes?

• How about that bromance? Sam and Frodo reach the pinnacle of their relationship while camped out on a rock surrounded by lava. So sweet.
• Gandalf and Shadowfax taking on the Witch King and the fell beast. I get chills just thinking about it. We have this idea that Gandalf is basically immortal, so when that concept is challenged, it kind of freaks us out. Shadowfax is a total bad-ass.
• Super-CG Legolas is hilarious. He flips. He flies. He kills oliphants with triple arrows through the skull. Good thing he’s cute…
• ALL the music feels. Dear God. Howard Shore brings in all of his themes from the LONGEST TRILOGY EVER FILMED and stabs you through the heart with them. You’re numb by the end.
• End credit artwork. WOW. And Annie Lennox? Inspired. I’m tearing up just thinking about it. I forgot my meds today, apparently…

Weepy Meter: 10/10 You will cry. I don’t care. You would have to be one of Mr. Bilbo’s trolls to NOT cry. I started at the end of Two Towers and didn’t stop until my face hurt and I lost the ability to blink.

Man Meter: 8/10 Again, we’re hoping for a marathon. Not sure if he can hack it, because you don’t see many guys who can wrap up in a blanket on the couch for hours on end…kind of a chick thing. But it’s so much the epic story! Battles! Death! Violence!

Overall Rating: 9/10 It takes a LOOOOOOONG time to wrap this sucker up. Every single storyline and character (of the main group) has resolution. Even characters that aren’t featured in the movie get resolution. The story ends about 45 minutes before the movie. Absolutely amazing film, but we could get home before midnight if we just assumed all of the things that Peter felt he had to share with us. We get it.

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