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2001

Sam Neill as Dr. Alan Grant
William H. Macy as Paul Kirby
Tea Leoni as Amanda Kirby
Alessandro Nivola as Billy Brennan
Directed by Joe Johnston

Synopsis: aaaaaaaaaand…we’re back. Because we haven’t subjected enough people to death and the clear misunderstanding that dinosaurs really did rule the earth. And if we let them, they’ll take it back from us too. So, let’s take another trip to Site B and see all the cool dinos we missed in the first two movies! Luckily, we have Dr. Grant back with us on this particular jaunt, so we’re bound to be safe. Right?

Again, more pandering. More horse-beating (in the metaphoric sense). But always good fun. How can you not enjoy at least a LITTLE bit of a dinosaur movie? Don’t think you can? Try these gems:

• Bill Macy. He channels a little bit of Jerry Lundegaard in this role, mainly in his naivety and desire for someone ELSE to take charge. He’s just so cute. So’s Michael Jeter. He’ll always be Rudy or Eduard to me, though…Mr. Udesky is a change from his norm.
• The raptors. Seriously. So. Friggin. Cool! Science helps explain (maybe fictitiously, who really knows? Not this girl!) why they act the way they do, and the scene with the 3D resonating chamber is way intense.

So yeah, leaning a little more toward Crystal Skull here. Doesn’t speak too well when the actors and the effects are the only good thing about a movie…especially one which we’ve seen the premise several times over. I am reminded of Pacific Rim at this point, but at least it’s new. This is JP THREE, y’all. I think there’s a reason Spielberg didn’t direct this one. A.I. and Band of Brothers might be a couple more.

Weepy Meter: 0/10 Sorry, John. Still couldn’t find the tears.
Man Meter: 2/10 Less likely than number 2. Unless he watches movie series for the same reason I do: to say he’s seen them all. Then maybe.
Overall Rating: 4/10 Sam Neill couldn’t save this one. Probably because of Ms. Tea. Totally MEH.

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